i need help.
May 2, 2025
Author | Hannah Hill
Those might be some of the hardest words to say out loud. I know I’ve suffered through some incredibly difficult and even unimaginable moments simply because I avoided saying them: I need help. I’ve spent most of my life trying to prove that I’m capable, strong, and successful. And now, even working in a profession where helping others is literally my job, I still struggle to ask for or accept help myself. Even though I tell my clients it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to accept help. So what the hell is so hard about being human and needing others? Let’s dig into it.
Asking for Help = Losing Control
If you live with anxiety, you probably know the craving for control all too well. You're the over-achiever, the one who takes on extra tasks at work not just because no one else will, but because, let’s face it, you’ll probably do it better anyway. At the root of this is a belief that having control means being able to predict or influence outcomes. And when you have anxiety, you want to know what will happen, when it will happen, and how it will happen. Every. Single. Time. So, you plan meticulously. You take on too much. You keep your hands on the wheel, even if it’s exhausting. Asking for help feels like giving up that control. And we do not like that. It can also feel like we’re burdening others, which taps right into our guilt (can you tell this is a topic I’m passionate about? One day, I swear I’ll write a book about guilty decision making). But here’s the thing: asking for help doesn’t actually mean losing control. In fact, it can give you more of it. When you stop trying to do everything, you can start doing a few things really well. You can focus on quality over quantity. And instead of seeing help as a burden on others, try thinking about how good it feels to support someone else. When you ask for help, you’re giving someone else that same opportunity. That subtle shift in mindset? That’s what we mean when we talk about reframing. You might not be able to stop those automatic thoughts from popping up—but you can choose what to do with them.
Asking for Help = I Am Weak
This is one of my favorite thought distortions to flip on its head. So many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. But in reality, it’s a powerful sign of self-awareness. It means you recognize when something is outside your current scope and you’re wise enough to call in backup. I see this all the time in therapy. Reaching out for mental health support can be one of the most courageous, difficult steps someone takes. And it fascinates me how we somehow believe we can “outthink” our brains. As if they’re not complex organs that sometimes need help to function well. Brains are fucking complicated. One person’s reaction to stress or trauma won’t look the same as someone else’s and that’s okay. But because of that difference, we sometimes interpret our intense responses as personal failures. We think, Why am I not handling this the way they are? But none of that is truth, it’s just our perception.
Asking for Help = Dependence on Help
This is another biggie: the fear that if we ask for help once, we’ll always need it. But that’s just not how it works. If I ask someone to help me carry something heavy, it doesn’t mean I’ll need their help forever. It means I needed support in that moment. The same goes for emotional or mental support. Asking for help during a hard time in your life, whether it's navigating a relationship, managing anxiety, or healing from trauma, doesn’t mean you’ll always need it. It just means you're honoring your needs right now. And often, that temporary support can help you build the tools and resilience to manage on your own later. The truth is, help is not a crutch. It’s a bridge. If you can push past the discomfort of asking for help, you might discover it's something you’ve been missing for far too long.
If you’re reading this and thinking, Yep, I could use a little help right now, I’d love to hear from you. I’m a therapist based in Phoenixville, PA, and I work with people through all kinds of life stressors—anxiety, relationship issues, transitions, and more. Feel free to reach out. We can chat and see if we’re a good fit to work together. You don’t have to do it all alone.